time for a catch up.

• well good morning ya'll.I finally have moment to myself...yes there is washing to do...and last nights dishes...but they can wait. Because its time for a bullet point pondering post. 

• The tummy is full...hubby and I had a rare breakfast out together this morning...alone. BC-before children... we used to have breakfast out ALL the time. It was our thing. We had our favourite spot...which is still my favourite coffee house all these years later. Today we tried somewhere new..and both had a 'ARF English breakfast. Half=Arf in British. So good. 

• My poor wee poppet of a 9 year old had an accident at school last week. Participating in school fitness she and her friend were trying to tag  the same person and her face smacked into her friends forehead and her permanent front tooth fell out. I was called on my cell phone straight away by a very worried sounding school secretary (Paisley Jade). I high tailed it there and made it in under 5 minutes. I knew exactly what to do! I had within the last few months googled "what to do if  your permanent tooth is knocked out"...I cannot even even remember why I had googled it! I read that it was an emergency to get it back in there ASAP. Thankfully the school nurse had placed it in milk and in a bag which was the other essential thing to do.  I rang the hospital dental service and they would see her straight away. We managed to get there within the magic hour. Time is critical. My girl is brave. Like really she is. She was crying I got there...I calmed her down and she stopped crying and hasn't cried about it since. Even when  the dentist shoved it back in the socket...and after the subsequent bleeding a few days later. She really is a trooper. The dentists say that there will be a lot on ongoing care and procedures with it all and it will probably never last forever requiring a falsie...but she assured us they will make it look good again. ARGHH! Kids and the silly things they do to themselves! 

• I have been working a day or two extra than usual, which is good. The other day, I had a nursing student working with me...my first one in YEARS! Because I usually work such unsociable hours like nights and weekends..I usually avoid them. But it felt good to pass on some knowledge. Having to explain everything you do is probably quite good to do once in while...because you can get into a rut and just do things because that's the way you've always done it and not really think anymore. I should do it more often. 

• A new house is being built behind our section . BOO! The neighbours had subdivided their land and the section had been on the market for years. But alas...someone finally bought it...and it looks like their lounge window will look right down the hill and  into our kitchen and dining window. We'll have to pull the blinds down now. No more quick dashes to get a glass of water in my undies in the morning now! TMI?

• Master Zak Zak has started Play Gym. I have tried the library fun-time and mainly music with this little guy...but so far this preschool activity has been the most suited to his personality. He really just needs a place to run and get rid of energy. He usually hates following directions and action songs so I was pleasantly surprised when I caught him actually following along with the teacher. Perhaps its an age thing too. They start off with a few songs then have a circuit set up for the rest of it. Up and over and jumps...all great learning for the little chap. But following directions...waiting your turn...are the big things that this little spoilt-yougest-child needs a good dose of! Only one tanty that particular morning and it was right at the end...so that is already an improvement after three times going. The teacher is a lovely lady too!

• Hubby and I have October off on holiday together. We were hoping to take the kids to Wellington...but with all the shaking down there at the moment...maybe we better stay in Northland....where it never shakes...Maybe you guys should move up here...Just saying?! 

• Home renovations maybe on the to do list in October instead. We have one room left in the house that desperately needs a makeover....our bathroom.  I hate it. The shower was installed wrong by the previous owners and leaks through the floor boards sometimes. We'll have to save up some more for that job...bathrooms are expensive! AND we need a wall retained in the back yard. Goodness....the joys of being a home owner! 
• Speaking of home renos... we are a little obsessed with the show  House Rules. I didn't want to like it because Im not a fan of the auzzie show "the block". But I have really enjoyed the show and  the contestants.It looks like it is in its last week of programming..so I wonder who will win. No spoilers please!
• SPRING IS AROUND THE CORNER!! just a little but excited about that! Winter I will not miss you. Although I am glad I bought myself a puffer jacket this year... Why didn't someone tell me about these wonderful creations sooner. It's like hanging out in a sleeping bag...instantly warm! Winter fashion is not my favourite season. I can't wait for jandals, shorts and a tee shirt. I would totally rock living on a tropical island.  
• So it seems as though some of my favourite bloggers are dropping the blogging thing...boo. I miss you guys...Widge...Gail... Stacey... Weza... Liz. I'm looking at you gals.   Darn you Instragram....*waves fist*. Just kidding. Kind of. 
• Aint this the truth!

Hope all is well in your neck of the woods. 

Jacksta  

I was brave

I was brave.

I was brave when it was decided that I would be the only one to go with you to Star-Ship Hospital because Dadda had to stay home to work.

I was brave when we set off that morning for the two hour drive to Auckland.

I was brave when I had to figure out exactly where in the inner city  we had to drive to.

I was brave when I had to lug you and all the things we would need for the afternoon on a push chair and all the way through the biggest hospital in NZ just to find the right ward.

I was brave when I realized this place was completely different and new compared to the the day stay surgery unit that I remembered from last year.

I was brave when lunch time came and went because I couldn't eat in front of you while you were nil by mouth.

I was brave when you started to get a little grumpy since it was now your nap time and you were hungry too.

I was brave when they said it was finally your turn and we had to go the theatre.

I was brave when the surgeon came to talk to me and I tried to make him see that things needed fixing.

I was brave when I had to gown up and take you to the operating theater, and put you on their table with so many machines and new equipment I hadn't seen before.

I was brave when the Anesthetist put the gas mask over your mouth to put you to sleep.

I was brave when the surgeon rang me later to tell me that I was right, things did need repairing and it had been a lot more complicated than he had thought.

I was really brave then.

I bravely held back the tears as I texted Dadda who was sad he couldn't be there with me.

I was brave when I found you in recovery all sleepy and so small in such a big bed.

I was brave when I decided it was best for both of us if we drive home that night 2 hours just so you could recover in a familiar environment.

I was brave when my head hurt and I was so tired and all I wanted to do was just get home for the both of us and into our nice cosy beds.

And because I was brave, so were you. 

You were brave driving all the way there. You were brave when we had to talk to Nurses and Doctors. You were brave when they put you to sleep, you didn't even cry! You were brave when you woke up out of your anesthetic, again not even a single tear. You were brave and slept all the way home and all night. And today even though it hurts you are playing with  the new toys I bought to keep you occupied yesterday.

We were brave!


{thank you for your prayers....the number one reason I was brave was the amazing peace of God}
    

Bullet point pondering's

•  Well Hello! You know what time it is? Its time for a bullet point pondering's post. A bunch of random thoughts I have at the moment.

• First off thank you for the overwhelming response on the last post about "being less sensitive". I had been put off hitting publish on it because I didn't want to come across as being insensitive to  sensitive people. Its hard when you have a straight up kind of nature to learn the right time to be empathetic and sensitive and when to be straight up with people when they need it. Fortunately in my line of work I get a lot of practice.  

• I have woken up with a the sorest back...and I have no idea why? The bizarre thing about it is that the very last words I said to my husband last night was how much I love our newish bed. My exact words were..."its not like our old bed that would leave me with a sore back in the morning". How weird is that!! Any way I have done what any good nurse does..and popped some pain killers. Panadol and ibuprofen does wonders for my "nurses back". I also tried at one place to fit in a back massage but they were all booked. Boo :(

• "Nurses Back" : definition: A strained back after lugging dead weighted people around after an extended period of time. 

• You know what might be cool to do one day? Do a real life monopoly tour. Take photos of all the places on the London monopoly board. Then come home and make them into a real monopoly board.  I think I might add this to the  year 2028 world tour. In the year 2028 our youngest will turn 18...and that is when we will embark on our world tour. Or if one of us gets a life ending illness....which ever comes first....or if we win lotto...then that would be awesome.

Onions in the right pan this time!

• Well on the family front we are back into school term mode. I revised our family routine schedule and have put "cooking time with mummy" in for the kids one night a week each. They are my little sous chefs for the night. Yes, it takes time out of my dinner prep time to teach them but...it will pay off in the long run. I'm not a natural teacher...I have to really try and be patient. For instance Miss Joy and I worked on making spaghetti and meatballs from scratch, one of her favourites. She did her best to cut up the onions, we have one pot of boiling water on the stove for the spaghetti and another frying pan with oil warming for the onions to go into...and I say okay carefully put the onions in...I turn my back and she put the onions into the boiling water....gah! I held my self together, and we found another onion and started again. At least she figured out wearing goggles helps with the onion tears. Clever girl.  And another time Joe and I made roast chicken and veges, he cut himself with the knife....just a small cut....but you'd think he had sliced his entire hand off. He's not so good with blood. 

• IT. WILL. PAY. OFF. IN. THE. LONG. RUN. I have to keep telling myself.  I really want them to be able to cook and be able to look after them selves, so I have to put in the hard yards and teach them other wise how else will they know? They can now confidently make them selves breakfast and lunch. One of my food rules is-  you don't get afternoon tea until you have finished whats in your lunch box. This works for us because the schools policy is kids take home their own food rubbish so you know what they have and haven't eaten.

• I'm thinking of taking a social media break. I did this in May of last year. A no Facebook and blogging month. I lasted 28 days. Maybe I could do June? I dunno. I'll let you know. 

• Zak Zak and I are taking a little trip to Starship on Thursday. Dadda couldn't get time off work so its just me and him...YIKES. Please pray for us if you think of us. Its nothing major...just a little repair of his last little surgery. I might take last years knitting project I never got around to finishing to help keep me calm.

• And you know I will have to stop in somewhere and find me some macarons somewhere in Auckland to make me feel better. 

• I have found a little OCD way of doing the washing. When I bring the washing in from the line outside I fold the washing in order of the person. Like...I fold all of ours first...then zak zaks and then the Miss Joy and then Joe. And then I bring it all in and do a drop off into the rooms. I think its a time saver. 

• Having said that...doing the washing is my least favourite chore in my maid service. I pretty much have  a week long routine....wash one day....hang out the next... and bring it all in when it is stiff as and few days later. Yep...House keeping is not my favourite. 

• This mothers day I was grumpy. I could hear a lot of squabbling and yelling coming from the kitchen far too early in the morning for my liking! As the day wore on I began to dwell on all the sacrifices that have come as part of being a mother. To my career, to my talents as a singer, to never getting to fly anywhere, to my relationship with God and to my dreams of being something or someone great. Some how they all have gotten lost and sacrificed while I encourage these little people and one other big person with all of their dreams and talents and lives. I haven't figured out how I can have and do both?  
• I have been trying to think of a cool header for my blog. If you look to the top...you can see a whole lot of open white space....But I can't think of what to put there?! I don't really know what image would sum up me as a blogger. 
• I have decided what New Zealand is missing is more Black people! My top three videos of funny black people being interviewed on TV 

Sweet Brown is the "Ain't Nobody got time for that" lady.

And recently the Guy who saved the 3 girls from their 10 year ordeal after being kidnapped. 

Wait for the last line!

And finally this one from Jay Lenos Pumpcast! This hilarious couple just pumping some gas ends up tv!

Jacksta B's guide to being less sensitive

artist here

I wrote this blog post last year but never pressed publish? So today I will. 

I have been meaning to do a blog post on this subject for a while. And then an incident reminded me of it. I was at a book store and bumped into a former member of our church, an elderly lady. I said "hi" to be nice and she makes a comment about my hair, she didn't like it. It made me look "old". I just ignored it and changed the subject to something else then moved on rather quickly. As I thought about it, I was a little bit miffed. But not in the way you might think. You see her comments although rude and a bit too forthright didn't bother me...but I thought what if she had said that to someone else..someone more sensitive...how would they feel.

You see stuff like that is water off a ducks back to me. I grew up around relatives and acquaintances who were all too ready to tell you "you are too skinny, too fat, I don't like what you are wearing..." You name it I have probably heard it. And for a time these words may have hurt a little...but I have never let them overcome me.
In general I have good self esteem and an air of confidence about how I look and live my life. I'm carrying around a few extra kgs, but who isn't. And now that I have a daughter I want to ensure that I am role modeling a similar feeling in my daughter. I want her to be confident in who she is.
Maybe you get down when people make comments about the way you look or live your life. So here are a few thoughts about becoming less sensitive.

What you say is what you feel.
I remember when I was growing up, when I observed my mother getting herself ready in the mirror, not once did she ever say out loud..."I'm looking fat...or I don't like this or that". Never. She just put her make up on, dressed the best for the day and got on with it. She always thought of her self as beautiful. So cut out the negative talk on yourself first.

Perfection doesn't exist.
Hollywood has us drawn to the celebrities enticing us to want to look like them. But just because they look great doesn't mean they are perfect. Naomi Campbell has an anger problem, many of them have drug addictions and are desperately unhappy with themselves. As soon as you realise you are most likely not destined for the cat walk...and look normal like the other 99% of us in the world, the sooner you can accept your self.

People say stupid stuff.
There are just some people in life who don't know how to filter their thoughts before they say them. Just recognize it for what it is and move on. I have a particular Uncle who is bad for this. Just no insight into how someone might feel after his verbal diarrhea hits the atmosphere. They just don't realise. If you are confident enough with who you are...just hit them up about it. Tell them they being rude and you don't appreciate their comments.

Learn to laugh at your self. This is so important. You can't take everything so seriously.

Some people just won't like you.
It ridiculous to think that everyone in the world will like you.  For those of you that have the need to be liked, you'll just have to get over this one. There will always be someone who doesn't like the way you dress, the way you talk, your shade of lippy. Who cares!

Practice being sensitive to other people.
You reap what you sow. If you are kind to others, most of the time people will be the same back. Focusing on the needs of others gets your thoughts off yourself.

The only thing that matters is how God feels about you.
When I have borne the brunt of other peoples hurtful words...I always remember what God thinks of me. He says He made me and loves me unconditionally. That I was worth dying for, and my value as a person comes from Him NOT what other think or say about me.

So grow some balls and don't let people make you feel like crap.

  “Do not give in too much to feelings. A overly sensitive heart is an unhappy possession on this shaky earth.” 

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

End of an Era

{barefoot and pregnant #3}

So as of this week, my uterus has officially shut up shop.

I was excited leading up to it, with my mind focused on the clinical learning I could take back to my nursing practice. It would be good for me to feel what my patients feel I assured myself.

I was excited about the prospects of never having to worry about contraception. Ever. Again.  

No more sleepless nights, no more birth stories, no more pregnancy snoring.

No. More.

I thought I would have the champagne already chilled, ready to crack open when I got home from the hospital,

But the nausea and pain sure put an end to that idea.

Instead opting for an early night that proceeded to be the worst  interrupted sleep ever.

I thought I would be ready for all the baby gear to be packaged up ready to be on sold or given away 

Yet I feel I am not ready.

It is an end of an era.

I don’t do end of era’s well. 

First days,  I can do without tears. The adrenalin and excitement keep me under control.

End of Eras... not so much.  

They make me sad, 

and sometimes a little mad.

So I may just take some time to reassure myself that I have indeed done the right thing for me and my family.

That while I will miss that sweet smell of a milk feed new born, it’s not in the plan for us.

And I’m okay with that.

Okay maybe I’m not okay with it today

but I will be.... in a little while.