Monday, March 14, 2011

Mummy Judging *tisk, tisk*


I have a confession... I have been guilty of Mummy judging this week. I don't know why we do it. A simple coffee with other mums starts out all innocent and nice and then out come the comments..."Her kids aren't sleeping through the night?!"...."I saw a mum give a baby some coke!"..."She still breastfeeds her 4 year old!"...
We all HATE being in the receiving end of mummy judging and we all want to do some face punching when someone questions our parenting choices, but we readily talk about others behind their backs.

I have to admit after three kids my judgments of other mums is on a rapid decline. I no longer hold on to the ideologies I once had when I was pre-children or even after the firstborn. My first born didn't have her first lollipop until she was two, of course the second born was no where near that old. Because after three children you realise you cant sweat the small stuff. You realise well into this parenting lark that its survival mode. Its a tough job...they wear you down to an emotionally spent wreck, you get 8 hours to sleep it off (uninterrupted if you are lucky!) and then you start the day again. You do the best you can with the time that you have.

I have decided that kids are a resilient bunch. They can make it through childhood with the most limited of resources. Kids in third world countries are making into adulthood everyday. I know of kids from the early 70's who survived drinking straight cows milk from birth, because they hadn't invented formula yet. And if cows milk wasn't tolerated the second choice was tinned evaporated milk! They seemed to make it to adulthood. This makes me feel that my parenting choices ("Shall I buy fresh salmon for healthy brain development for tea tonight?") on the grand scale of things is not so bad. Of course all children need to have all the essentials of a safe, loving environment with boundaries and nourishment!

Bottle or breast, to immunize or not to, attachment parenting or detachment parenting, disposable nappies or cloth; and that's just in the first few months of the kids life! All very important choices that each parent must decide on their own for their own reasons. So I have a challenge...for you and for me...how about we stop judging each other. We all do the same difficult job...some of us just do it differently.

11 comments:

The South African Kiwis said...

Amen! Amen! Amen!
Fantastic post Jacksta! Blossom has blown all my preconceived parenting notions right out of the water. I'm loving this post!

Neetz said...

hahahah...love it... I soooo used to be like that with Asher...no sweets/sugary drinks until after he was 2..
Now... it was me wasn't it... breastfeeding Kendyl and she's nearly 2 now!! hahahaa..
((I'm trying my hardest to get her off I promise I promise!!))
Great post mate :)

PaisleyJade said...

Such a great post! I'm the same... with each kid I've gotten more and more relaxed (especially when it comes to feeding kids chocolate while they are in the pj's - wink wink).

Happy painter said...

Like this post J. When I became a Grandma I promissed myself I would not give advice unless asked for or comment on how things were done for my Grand children to parents or to OTHER'S!!!.
Hope I am keeping this promiss. WELL mostly :):)

Lyns said...

I'm with you on this. I try super hard not to judge as I am not walking the other parent's path and i don't know all the circumstances. Today I almost judged...a Mum had left her two young kids in the car at The Warehouse. Then i thought I don't know the circumstances, or if she has had a hard time etc, so instead i just sat in my car until she came back. Just wanted to make sure the kids were ok...

Mon said...

Love this. You are so right. I had so many ideas before I had kids of what I was going to do...or not do. And to be honest most of it didn't matter and I laugh at it now. Don't sweat the small things is our motto. Okay, so sometimes I forget that too...

Simoney said...

GREAT post Jacksta!!!
Love it.
You have expressed it so well, and you are SO right.
The last thing we mummies need is other mummies judging us.
We are all on the same side, involved in the same battle. And it's a blinkin hard job, too.
xx

Leonie said...

Oh so true Jackie!!! What a brilliant post.
As a mum of three also, my parenting has changed considerably! My first I tried to do the 'expected' and never actually enjoyed her as a baby.... by number three I just went with the flow and she's turning out just fine.
I was a social worker for 10 years and that changed my whole perspective on parenting. My bad parenting moments are pretty good in comparison.
And we totally need to stop judging each other!!! Totally!!!

Michele from Pipi La La said...

Oh so very true. Fabulous post! After being unable to breast feed my first baby, I just gave up the judging I had pre-kids right there. Bottle feeding was the hardest thing I had ever done and the flack I got for that - it'd knock your socks off. So yep, no judgements here. Oh except for the tosser who smacked his kid over the head today in the bank. I did judge that.

And thank you VERY much for your lovely comment on my blog! ♥

Little Kiwi Chick said...

Hi Jackie!!!
Wow, great post. Right now I am judging *myself* muchly for not meeting my own expectations!!! Haha...

Sorry I haven't been in touch. Have been offline for quite a bit of the time since we arrived in NZ. I am really hoping to make it up north in April but I have nothing definite to tell you, sorry :o( I am working on it!!!

Cat said...

Another BRILLIANT post - I have two kidlets - one 'c-section' one 'natural' - one 'bottle fed' one 'b*fed' - I love them EQUALLY and each choice/decision/path came with its own reasons and its own 'mummy judging' so AMEN to your post