End of an Era

{barefoot and pregnant #3}

So as of this week, my uterus has officially shut up shop.

I was excited leading up to it, with my mind focused on the clinical learning I could take back to my nursing practice. It would be good for me to feel what my patients feel I assured myself.

I was excited about the prospects of never having to worry about contraception. Ever. Again.  

No more sleepless nights, no more birth stories, no more pregnancy snoring.

No. More.

I thought I would have the champagne already chilled, ready to crack open when I got home from the hospital,

But the nausea and pain sure put an end to that idea.

Instead opting for an early night that proceeded to be the worst  interrupted sleep ever.

I thought I would be ready for all the baby gear to be packaged up ready to be on sold or given away 

Yet I feel I am not ready.

It is an end of an era.

I don’t do end of era’s well. 

First days,  I can do without tears. The adrenalin and excitement keep me under control.

End of Eras... not so much.  

They make me sad, 

and sometimes a little mad.

So I may just take some time to reassure myself that I have indeed done the right thing for me and my family.

That while I will miss that sweet smell of a milk feed new born, it’s not in the plan for us.

And I’m okay with that.

Okay maybe I’m not okay with it today

but I will be.... in a little while.