like a prisoner in my own home

I feel like a prisoner in my own home.
doors
windows
closed.
Stale air forced through the dehumidifier.
Made fresh with technology instead.

Why?
A feline friend has adopted us
She is not wanted.
Not needed.
Yes she is friendly
But she is not ours.

Okay...so I'm being a little bit melodramatic...but here's the story.

This my blog friends..is a stray cat that has decided that she would rather live around my house rather than her own. For months we wondered who she belonged to. She had a collar but just always hung around. Until finally I saw a young lady chase her on to our property. Apparently she has a family, and was very much loved and fed, but wasn't coming home any more. That because she's always here! I told her.
Initially I liked her. She was super friendly...but I hesitated...who knows who she belongs to and how many flees she has I scolded the kids. We fed her the odd thing, but I insisted she "go home", because she didn't live here.
One day I left the laundry window open to let out the dryer moisture. I came home and found she had eaten the chicken thighs, (boneless and skinless no less!) off the counter.She had eaten half of the packet... $8 worth of chicken you horrid cat! I had to biff out the rest of it. I muttered under my breath...I had thought about what I would do with the chicken...what delicious dinner I would create out of it. Now wasted in the bin.

That cat is now no longer my friend.
She sneaks in every time I have my french doors open. Which used to be every sunny day available.
She sneaks in the laundry windows.
She even sneaks in to my car when the doors are open...clawing at the carpet and upholstery of my new car.
One night at 8pm...Joe lets me know that the cat is sitting on my dressing table. He must be kidding...the doors haven't been open for hours...sure enough...there she is. Sitting there...like she owns the place.
Dead mice and pretty coloured birds...all brought for offering right on the foot path. Offerings I don't care for Miss CAT!

ARRGGHH. Flippin cat!
Go home!

You might be thinking perhaps Im not a cat lover...You may be right. Hubby...he very much wants a cat...has been wanting one for years...I say lets wait until I don't have to toilet train a kitten and a toddler at the same time. All the while just putting off the inevitable of eventually having a cat.
Our own cat...one that we actually have de-fleed, de-wormed and de- whatever else they carry around. One that has been taught not to take food off my counter.
Not this stray...who actually belongs to someone else!

Any ideas about how to get rid of it nicely?